Yes, partly that would be easier if my job situation sorted itself out, but I know that's not going to happen for a little while (although if the Universe is listening... I want a permanent job already!)...And if anything was ever proof that the Universe has a particularly dark and twisted sense of humour, it's the fact that less than 48 hours after I wrote that I'm now unemployed.
Yep, my contract wasn't being extended and I decided that I'd take the offer of four weeks pay and just leave at the end of this afternoon.
Except nobody knows aside from the big boss.
Well... H-San and the Ninja know that my contract is ending, but that's it. I didn't want to deal with everyone's feelings and sympathy and general disbelief, so I kept it completely quiet. I spent the day sorting out my emails and moving files from my desktop to the network that really should have been moved forever ago and this morning I used the excuse of "tidying my desk" to go through all the papers on my desk and fling a bunch of stuff in the recycling.
The only thing I didn't do was pack up all my toys and general desk tchotchkes. I'm going to go in as soon as the building opens on Monday morning, pack up my desk, send a bunch of emails that I didn't want to sent today and leave before anyone gets in.
I'm intending to sit down at some point over the weekend and write a message to my team, to go some way to explain why I left the way I did.
What was kind of strange was the fact that everybody left before I did to go to one of those boring meetings/information sessions where someone talks for an hour to tell you what you could have read in an email in ten minutes. So when I walked out my whole team was gone.
I'll admit that was probably easier than the alternative... but it was a little like the rest of today... the rest of this week really... anticlimactic.
To be honest I think I'm still a little bit numb and it may not officially hit me until I walk out of the office on Monday morning.
This really is a (figurative) door that I've walked through, or been pushed through depending on your choice of analogy, a number of times. And each time that I've felt it close behind me, it's never been a door that stayed shut for all that long. Maybe I need to take this as a sign to really sit down and work out if it's a door that I both want or need to walk through again.